There are 41
jokes entries in 5 pages and you are on page number 4 |
| Joke by
Mojeeb on Monday, December 16, 2002 at 19:38 |
Database entry 11
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man and genie
A man is walking down a beach, and accidentally kicks a bottle out of the sand. He opens the bottle, and a genie appears. The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you one wish. I can only grant one." The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. I've never been able to go because airplanes are much too frightening for me and boats make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii." The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I can't do it. Imagine all the work involved. All the piling to hold up the highway needed and all the pavement. Ask for somehting else." "Well," the man said. "I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they tempermental, why are they so difficult to get along with. Basically, what makes them tick." The genie considered this for a couple of minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?" |
| From: Canada |
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| Joke by
John on Monday, December 16, 2002 at 19:38 |
Database entry 10
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I just got a fax
There were three guys sitting in the airport. One was German, the other was Japanese, and the other was Pakistani. The German holds his hand to his ear, as if he is holding a telephone, but there is no telephone. He is talking in his pinky and listening with his thumb. The paki looks at him with amazement and asks, "how can you do that?" The German replies, "well, Germany has gone so far in technology that we no longer use phones. we talk through our hands." Then the Japanese man starts talking in the air. Again the paki is surprised and asks, "why are you talking in the air?" and the Japani replies, "well, japan has gone so far in technology, that we have the phone installed in our throat and ears so that we dont even have to hold our hands as if we are using a phone." Well, the three of them are quiet, when "booom." (the paki farts) The japani and german look at the paki and start wondering. Then the paki says, "ooop, i just got a fax."
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| From: United States |
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| Joke by
Farid on Monday, December 16, 2002 at 19:37 |
Database entry 9
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women and men
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding,
Economical and a good cook. But the law allows only
one wife.
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Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are
thunder and lightning.
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One woman's hobby is another woman's hubby.
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The easiest way to make your old car run better, is
to check the prices of a new car.
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It's what people don't know about each other that
makes them such good friends.
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If you can't get a lawyer who knows the law, get one
who knows the judge.
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A man owes his success to his first wife; and his
second wife to his success.
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I recently read that love is entirely a matter of
chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like
toxic waste.
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A man is incomplete until he is married. After that,
he is finished.
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I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a
divorce, I keep the house.
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When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.
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Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the
trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
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Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
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I had some words with my wife and she had some
paragraphs with me.
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Love is blind Marriage is an eye-opener
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| From: United Kingdom |
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| Joke by
mojeeb on Monday, December 16, 2002 at 19:36 |
Database entry 8
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funny things
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are
thunder and lightning. |
| From: Canada |
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| Joke by
Sayed Muhib on Monday, December 16, 2002 at 19:34 |
Database entry 7
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one second
A man went to church to pray he was praying and he asked God! God can you tell me how much is a 1000 years for you. God replayed. as he says one second, then other day he come back and asked God! how much is a $ 1,000,000.00 for you. God replayed, " just a penny" then the man went home and come back next day. And he was so happy and asked God Oh God can I have one penny from your pennies. God replay (( One second )) |
| From: United States |
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| Joke by
mojeeb on Monday, December 16, 2002 at 19:34 |
Database entry 6
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wife1.0
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Boys' Night 2.5 and Sunday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever they are selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me, please?! Thanks, Joe
Dear Joe,
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under 'Warnings - Alimony/Child Support.' I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause.
The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGISE. In any case, avoid excessive use of the ESC key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGISE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.
Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system |
| From: Canada |
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| Joke by
mojeeb on Monday, December 16, 2002 at 19:32 |
Database entry 5
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oknowwhat?
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says : |
| From: Canada |
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| Joke by
Mojeeb on Monday, December 16, 2002 at 19:32 |
Database entry 4
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some cool definitions with cool meanings
SOME COOL DEFINITIONS WITH COOL MEANINGS.
1. CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. LOVE AFFAIR : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. MARRIAGE : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. DIVORCE: Future tense of marriage
5. LECTURE: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6. CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..
9. DICTIONARY: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. ECSTASY : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. CLASSIC : A book which people praise, but do not read.
13. SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. YAWN : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. ETC : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
18. EXPERIENCE : The name men give to their mistakes.
19. ATOM BOMB: An invention to end all inventions.
20. PHILOSOPHER : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22. OPPORTUNIST : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. OPTIMIST : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
24. PESSIMIST :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
25. MISER : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. FATHER : A banker provided by nature.
27. CRIMINAL: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
28. BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. POLITICIAN : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
30. DOCTOR : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31. COMPUTER ENGINEER : One who gets paid for reading such mails...... |
| From: Canada |
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| Joke by
mojeeb on Monday, December 16, 2002 at 19:30 |
Database entry 3
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the talking frog and the boy
A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to himand said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. Thefrog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into abeautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it andreturned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you and do *anything* you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it backinto his pocket. Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'ma beautiful Princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do*anything* you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The boy said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't havetime for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool." |
| From: Canada |
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| Joke by
Muhammad KHAN on Monday, December 16, 2002 at 19:27 |
Database entry 2
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paki and afghan
I would like to post a joke and hope after me everyone will post their own. So the joke which i'm posting is really funny i hope u would like it. ONce upon a time there was four men from four different countries. One from America, one from Saudia Arabia, one from Afghanistan and one from Pakistan. American guy took his car and throw it in the sea. The other guys asked why he said its too much in my country and i'm sick of them. Arabian guy took his gold chain and did the same thing. When they asked why he said coz its alot in my country. Now was the turn of afghani guy who didn't know wat to do coz he didn't had anything to throw so he took up the guy from Pakistan and did the same thing and said "Pakis" (ofcouse it was taliban Era) are alot in my country and i'm sick of them. lolzlolzlolz |
| From: Pakistan |
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