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Joke by Eileen on Wednesday, May 26, 2004 at 02:55 Database entry 21
monkey joke using 12345679

1 little monkey name John sat on a tree,
So John went 2 a shop and buy a 3 4 him
to climb.5 years later,John changed 6 now
he is a girl named Mary.She had 7 monkeys.
They 8 alot.9 months later,the monkeys were fat and ugly.
From: Singapore

Joke by mustafa on Friday, May 14, 2004 at 19:43 Database entry 20
i love someone so much


guss what? i love my self

Mojeeb Are you a "what"? I thought you are a who. lol
From: United States

Joke by Najib on Friday, March 12, 2004 at 10:02 Database entry 19
nesfeomor.

1.Maleme Dar Kisthi Bud Ba Mullah Guft: Tu Sewad Amukhta ey?
Mullah Guft. Na.
Malem Guft: Nesfe Omrat Ra Zaya Kardi.
Roze Degar Bade Tunde Mewazid, Kishti Dar Hale Gharq Shudan Bud. Mullah Az Malem Porsid: Abazi Amukhta Ey? Malem Guft: Na
Mullah Guft Kule Omrat ra Zaya Kardi.
2.Malem Az Shagerd Porsis: Farq Baine Murcha Wa Fiel Chist?
Shagerd Guft: Farq Baine Murcha Wa Fiel In Ast Ke Murcha Metawanad Saware Fiel Shawad Ama Fiel Nametawanad Saware fiel Shawad.
From: Denmark

Joke by arezo on Thursday, March 11, 2004 at 14:55 Database entry 18
hi

salam bar hama dost hai aziz ,,,omed ast sehat kamel
dashta bashed !!!!!!!!!!!!!! name man Arezo ast dar denmark
zindagee mekonam 17 sala astam.

Mojeeb: What a joke.
From: Denmark

Joke by Dr.Dain on Wednesday, May 28, 2003 at 08:01 Database entry 17
Perfect Englesh

An Indian went to England;he was very tired so he was sleeping on a bench in a park. A policeman came and asked him: Are you relaxing? He was afraid and answered no no I'm not Relaxing I'm Popandar singh.
From: Afghanistan

Joke by mojeeb on Friday, May 16, 2003 at 21:34 Database entry 16
what is politics?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."
From: Canada

Joke by zip codes on Friday, March 28, 2003 at 22:43 Database entry 15
New Definitions for a New world




Cigarette :
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the
other.

Divorce :
Future tense of marriage.

Lecture :
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the
notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got
the biggest piece.

Tears :
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by
feminine water power...

Dictionary :
A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room :
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees
later on.

Classic :
A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile :
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office :
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn :
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc. :
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee :
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that
nothing can be done together.

Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb :
An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat :
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually
look forward to the trip.

Opportunist :
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am
not injured yet."

Miser :
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father :
A banker provided by nature.

Criminal :
A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Boss :
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor :
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
From: United States

Joke by Monica on Tuesday, February 11, 2003 at 09:56 Database entry 14
Men revealed

Men Revealed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we
are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual,
don't think we are beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat
nice and have money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money
and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST
MOVE!!!!
11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest
in us when we take the initiative.
NOW ....WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our
job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into
something you'd like to have dinner with.
~~~~~~~~
One More
~~~~~~~~
Q: How are men like coffee?
A: The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night.
From: United States

Joke by Mojeeb on Sunday, January 05, 2003 at 13:11 Database entry 13
this joke has no title

A Pakistani girl and a Jewish lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a game. The girl, who's tired and just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the girl's attention; and figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The girl doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "it's your turn."
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs but comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references--no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress--no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the girl and hands her $500.
The girl says "Thank you" and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the girl and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the girl reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
From: Canada

Joke by sully on Monday, December 16, 2002 at 19:39 Database entry 12
The Republican Investment Banker in a Pinstriped S

A lawyer, a fervent Democrat dressed in casual clothes, sits down to have his lunch in a park across from his office.

Then he notices a very distinguished and dignified man sit down a few feet away on the grass; he is extremely well dressed in a tailored Hickey Freeman pinstriped suit, silk tie, starched white shirt, cuff links, tiepin, Rolex, highly polished black wingtips and silk socks. He places his expensive briefcase next to him and prepares for lunch.

“One of those Republicans, I’ll bet” thought the lawyer, and after introducing himself, he found out he is right – not only a Republican, but an investment banker. The lawyer glances at the banker’s shoes, glistening in the sunlight.

Lawyer: You have those polished every day, don’t you.

Investment Banker: Just about. I have to look good for the clients.

Lawyer: What about the poor? A few shoeshine would pay for a lot food.

Investment Banker: I help them through taxes, but we all have personal responsibility.

Lawyer: I'm telling you, the poor only need a chance! We should be GIVING them money; they haven't had our advantages!

Investment Banker: We all have to work for what we have.

Lawyer: Look, poverty can happen to anyone! There's no way you can know that from where you sit!

“Keep talking if you want to. When I sleep, nothing wakes me…and I mean NOTHING. “The investment banker sighs, then takes off his suit jacket, places it on the grass and falls deeply asleep.

Then a barefoot homeless man appears, and asks the lawyer for change. The lawyer apologizes, and says he has nothing, but then he sees the investment banker's wallet in his suit pocket. He slips it out, and hands it to the homeless man; then he notices that the homeless man needs shoes.

Then he has an idea…he looks over at the feet of the sleeping investment banker… "Wait!" cries the lawyer. "I'm sure you need these more than he does." He then starts to untie the investment banker's polished wingtips and carefully pulls them off. Even more carefully, he pulls off his black dress socks and hands both shoes and socks to the astonished homeless man. "With my compliments!"

Then the lawyer sees a sad woman with a baby walking by. "Can I help you?" he asks her. When he finds out that she needs money for her rent, the lawyer again approaches the snoring – and now barefoot - investment banker and removes his cuff links; then he slips the tiepin out of the silk tie and the Rolex off his wrist. He hands them all to the delighted woman. "Sell these!" the lawyer cries. “Oh, thank you sir" says the delighted woman, and runs off.

Next, a man in a janitor's uniform walks by, looking dejected. "What's the matter, my friend?" says the lawyer sympathetically. "I..lost my job. I have a chance for a better one, but I don't have the clothes! This is all I have!" and he holds up a pair of old polyester pants.

The lawyer sighs, and then sees the businessman's pinstriped suit jacket. "Would this help?" he asks the man. "Sure!" cries the man. "You could use a briefcase, too!" says the lawyer and opens up the investment banker's briefcase. He removes the contents and hands it to the joyful man. Then he looks at the investment banker's silk tie and white shirt. Can he manage it?
Slowly, slowly he unties and pulls off the red silk tie and then, slowly, slowly unbuttons the white shirt. He has to move the investment banker a few times, but he only snores and sleeps. Then he undoes the banker's belt and pulls it off. Triumphantly he hands the shirt, belt and tie to the man. “Wait” the lawyer cries. “You really need the whole suit. Give me a hand and I’ll need those polyester pants. I’m getting good at this” and with great care and trouble, set to work.

Ten minutes later, the sleeping investment banker was wearing the polyester pants and the man was staring happily at his tailored suit. He thanks the lawyer profusely and runs off. "How good it is to help people!" he says to himself.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman walks up to the investment banker, and snaps: "Hey buddy, wake up, no loitering! We don't allow bums to sleep here"

Finally the investment banker wakes up with a start and looks down at himself with astonishment. There is nothing left of the impeccably dressed executive he had been when he left his office. He is barefoot, and wearing only cheap trousers and a t-shirt. It takes him a moment to realize that his suit, shoes, socks, suit, tie, watch, jewelry, money and briefcase are gone.

He turns to the lawyer in astonished fury. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! WHERE IS MY SUIT, MY TIE, MY SHIRT! WHERE ARE MY SHOES AND SOCKS!? MY BRIEFCASE! HOW CAN I GO BACK TO MY OFFICE LIKE THIS!? I LOOK LIKE A BUM!”

The policeman then turns to the lawyer and says “Is this bum disturbing you, sir?” and grabs the struggling investment banker by the arm and says: “You can sleep it off in the tank, buddy!” At that moment, his boss walks by on a stroll, sees his employee being dragged away and cries out, “You’re fired!”

The lawyer just shrugs and says: "Those republicans! They never think it will happen to them!"
From: United States

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